Fragmented Thoughts on Future Grace

Friday, June 19, 2009

MOMENT BY MOMENT future grace is quite an intrusive thought–especially to self-sufficient individualistic adults. This grace humbles because it highlights our inadequacy and finitude. We are bound within time and space so that we are contained only within the present. Yes, we have the ability to imagine and plan for the future, and we can reminisce about the past, but we only live and are sustained in the present.

Perhaps the intrusiveness of the thought of future grace is cloaked by this notion: Were I to live and think and feel as though future grace was a necessity in life, I would be presumptuous and arrogant. But I think arrogance is reversely manifested in that one could subconsciously think, it would be presumptuous of me to assume God’s future grace. Even Paul the Apostle wrote,

“Or do you presume on the riches of [God’s] kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” (Romans 2:4)

See, we can’t assume God’s kindness for anything. Living by faith in future grace is actually just an excuse to presume God’s kindness, forbearance and patience. But this presumption that Paul talks about is referring not to assumption of God’s future grace, but a presumption of God’s apathy towards a continual lifestyle of impenitent sin.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

WHY DOES THIS PLAGUE ME?! This paradox between finding myself presumptuous in seeking solace in anything of the future if it is not the sovereign future grace of God and then not even wanting to plan or think at all in the future, not even to plan anything. Little phrases like, “Oh, for sure,” “Definitely!” “Without a doubt,” “Certainly,” always cause me to perk up and place a filter on the conversation: “Definitely! … you mean, only if the Lord so wills!” Search my heart, God! Is this a fatalistic bent that I’m struggling with? Is this laziness? Is this just how I react to things that are distantly in the future?

How is it that I can joyfully apply the notion of future grace to difficult situations but then think about future grace as presumptuous for the little tasks and struggles of the day? Why does moment-to-moment future grace seem like such a harder concept to grasp and cherish than future grace far down the road? Search me, God, show me my distrust and unbelief. And when you show me the error of my way, please give me the grace to repent then believe and rest in you, your truths, and your promises. Amen.

Sir, I belive you are mistaken

Sunday, June 28, 2009

IF THIS BE a season–just a spell of loneliness–I have been given grace afresh this morning to embrace this whole-heartedly! And if God sees it fit and most glorious to his holy Name to ordain this loneliness for my lifetime, I will praise him all the more, for he has chosen to display his great grace and great strength through me in my utter helplessness and hopelessness! Who am I to talk back to him who made me this way? What should I say to him?

“Sir, I believe you’re mistaken, in my calculation, I foresee in my future that I need a husband for ultimate sanctification (after all, it seems as though all of my friends are married, engaged, or in a relationship). But even if it is not your will that I marry, it is at least necessary that my heart be consoled in this loneliness by affectionate hugs from friends, is it not? When was the last time I cherished a sweet embrace of another–a genuine embrace which soothed my tears? Two months ago? I feel as though, since moving into an apartment by myself, I’ve clothed myself with this jacket of impermeability–I’m now unable to communicate or receive affection. This can’t be right, this can’t be healthy, this most certainly cannot be for my sanctification for it is a ripping, tearing, searing within my own heart: am I no longer human? Is it really too much to ask, ‘Please Sir, just one genuine friend? Not that I am ungrateful for my friends now, nor are they insincere, but I don’t know one who understands my thirst for friendship nor how my heart rejoices when I’m surrounded by a family! But even if one could know and empathize, I fear that they wouldn’t reciprocate the same need for affection as I because they are elsewhere satisfied…then, I am left to crawl on my hands and knees, to scavenge for the crumbs of haphazard hugs from others. Perhaps I am being too harsh and critical towards others. Perhaps they do not hug carelessly, and perhaps it is I who am haphazardly speaking. Sir, am I evil and wicked to desire to sit again at the banqueting table of friendship and kindred with others that I may again praise you and thank you for how you minister to my soul through them?’ This question plagues my weary heart. And I know you hold all the power to orchestrate the answer to my plea. Why then, why do you withhold this from me?”

To be frank, after this much needed introspection, I look within my heart at these yearnings and thoughts and reflect with loathsome disgust at my distrust and cynicism toward God! O you of little faith who knows not the precious loving gifts of God! They are never wrapped in the paper I suspect, nor is there a plump bow atop to capture my gaze! Have I been so blind to have been searching, looking, desiring a gift or jewel or present and have lost sight and removed my gaze from him who withholds no good thing? Forgive me God, for my brash inquiries!

The Giver gets the glory,
Not the gift at which we gaze.
He and He alone is worthy,
Worthy of all our praise!

This morning, as I sat in my seat with these thoughts of God’s sustaining grace washing over me, my heart was filled with galvanizing gladness to thank my God for where he has placed me and for guiding me into this dark valley for his glory!